“Power . . . to All Our Friends!!!”

I see that much of the biased liberal-communist mainstream English-language media have been running the ridiculous story about how British singer Cliff Richards (seen above) was robbed of the Eurovision Song Contest title by underhand scheming on the part of El Generalísimo Francisco Franco, who was supposedly running around to the television channels of other countries and say to them, “If you vote for the much better song ‘La La La’ by raven-haired Spanish beauty Massiel, I will buy your shitty comedy series about a farting Resistance member or those documentaries about Emmenthal, even though I do not promise to show them to my discerning idiotic Spanish television public.” Of course, if such an outrageous assertion were true (and let us remind ourselves that it is made by a Spanish television documentary team and therefore has only limited claim to our credulity), most of Europe would be grateful to El Generalísimo for sparing them the prospect of an estensive and successful career by the rich man’s Elvis. In my opinion, is a good thing altogether that Cliff Richards did not make any more records after that!

However, the real story that everyone is missing is the real conspiracy that took place that night. I have it on good authority from sources very high up in the Spanish Catholic hierarchy that Cliff Richards was making a pact with Satan himself. Yes! Cliff agreed to sell his soul in eschange for a top 3 placing and on the understanding that he would never grow old, like the man in that Oscar Wilde story “A Portrait of Earl Grey.” He also agree as part of the package with Satan to promote Protestantism as the true Christianity in order to deliberately steal souls from Jesus and the One True Church, as well as also playing tennis whenever he could in order to promote homosexuality.

For many years, peoples was wondering to themselves, how come Cliff Richards is not getting old? Or they say to themselves, “Glory Be, Is that bastard still alive?” “Is he still singing that bloody song that lost the Eurovision Song Contest in a fair fight to the lovely Massiel?” And “Will this torture never end?” And all that time, the secret of his deal with Satan was safe. However, when the Vatican find out, they was able to confront Satan with his ploy, and he have to own up to it and renege on the deal, with the result, as you can see, that now Mr. Richards is not looking so smug and youthful at all on stage but is all wrinkly and gnarly and arboreal, as befits his age. One hundred and three.

On an entirely unrelated note, did anyone of you also see that the Scottish singer Chris de Burgh is being sent to perform in Libya? Si, is true! Apparently, he is performing in revenge for the Libyan involvement in the bombing of Pam An 90210 over Lockerbie on 9/11. After he has played there, he is continuing his tour by visiting Iran, Iraq and North Korea, accompanied by his backing band, the Axes of Evil. I espect that while he is there he is going to scare the Muslamics with his special superpowers and destroy their chimerical weapons with his laser show.

Cliff Richards would do well to watch and learn. THIS is how to grow old gracefully, Cliff!