The False Pope Conspiracy Was Concocked When Ratzinger Was Still a Boy!!

Did you see the startling revelation in the news that the Vatican has discovered a fake priest who was trying to get in to listen to people’s confessions? Is a big disgrace. But is also a toilet tissue of lies!

This is clearly a diversionary tactic story dreamed up by the conspirators assembled around the False Pope in order to pretend that security is so strong in the Vatican that even a false priest would be found out. So, we are meant to conclude, is inconceivable that a False Pope could get past the Swiss Guard. How ridiculous. They must take us for indolent drooling morons who just got out of bed at 3 o’clock this afternoon and missed the tram to daft school.

Of course, is common knowledge that the Catholic Chruch has confession sewn up like a pig in a basket. Confession is the lifeblood of the Chruch (with the esception of wine, of course, which is Christ’s lifeblood and which play a more integral part to lubricating the Chruch’s wheels). Long before the CIA or MFI came along, the Catholic Chruch had a network of information gathering the likes of which the world had seen (otherwise it would have not esisted). There is no way that this network would be allowed to be leopardized by infiltrators posing as religious officials. And with good reason. The Chruch knows full well that ordinary Catholics are gullible idiots who will cough the beans the moment they see a dog collar, so they are very careful about this sort of thing. I remember once being in a pub in Cavan where the strippergram for a lady’s 50th birthday was dress up as a priest and he was unable to do his act because everyone form up an orderly queue outside the men’s toilets and take it in turns one by one to go in there and try to confess to him. That is how powerful the dog collar is.

At least I think they were going in there to confess to him. Anyways, he was lynched afterwards by a group of local farmers, I espect for bearing his false witness. Serve him right.

Thus anyone who has any sense will see this story on CNN and recognise what this mean. It mean that the False Pope Bendick is insecure in his position, which also therefore mean that our efforts to unmask him are beginning to work. The organization to which I am belonging (in addition to Real Madrid Fans for Christ as Manager), known only as The Friends of the Real Pope (MySpace page), have been hard at work trying to tell everyone about this conspiracy, that the Real Pope, John Paul #2, is still alive and kept prisoner against his wishes in Castel Gandolfo and that his death was faked by sinister liberal forces who put in place the Usurper Bendick, who pretend to be fascist but is really not at all. As you can see from the picture above, this is a conspiracy that go back hundreds of years, to when Bendick was only a small boy with constipation.

This revelation also help us to identify CNN as enablers; there is clearly someone on the inside of this organ who is an agent of the liberal darkness conspiracy. We must kep a close watch on them and send in one of our own team to smoke him out (is bound to be a him; a lady would not be so devious). For now I send just a message of defiance:

We are watching you, CNN!!!