Stop Watching the Skies!

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This is how the Inquisition deal with Nosey Parkers!

I have read this week about how the telescope was invented not in Netherland but in Spain, a fact which everyone has known for years here but which clearly has only just reach the hinterlands and margins of civilization such as “Great” Britain, and it get me thinking very much about the misuses and abuses of technology and why we would be better off generally not inventing anything.

As you probly do know, after its invention in Spain, the telescope was subsequently used by arch-fiend and follower of the Beast Gary Leo to pretend that the Earth revolve around the Sun, even though his supposed “evidence” was contradicted by all the facts, such as the Earth clearly does not move, and why isn’t it much windier? In much the same way, after the invention of the bow and stick by Don Jose de la Pampa in 1523 as a way of starting fires, a technique which all good boy scouts still uses today to commit arson, the technology was robbed by the ungrateful natives of America who misuse it to hunt buffalo to estinction, to kill priests and conquistadores, and it ultimately end up in North America as the electric guitar, with all the foul-sounding decadent Satanic noise that that entail (whereas the proper Spanish guitar was a separate, beautiful invention devoted to praising the works of the Lord by re-creating the music of the Spheres, a well-known 13th-century acoustic combo).

The original purpoise for the telescope was for use by the Inquisition in order to estract information from recalcitrant Jews and nay-nayers who refused to convert before dying. The instrument was lined up so that the Sun’s rays would be magnified and then would burn a hole in the eyeball of the interviewee, and anything they had witnessed and not told about would then be visible in the shapes of the smoke that arise from their burning flesh. The Inquisition get many, many fantastic confessions in this way: They see dragons, witches, cats, people’s faces, incubuses, demons, Catalans, airplanes, the ferry from Corralejo to Playa Blanca, and lots more very evil spirits in the smoke. Thus they were thinking that the telescope was a wonderful invention given by God for the winkling out of Satan’s minions. Was only when one of the interviewees, named, yes, you guess it, Gary Leo, look up the wrong end of the telescope and say “Hey, I can see your house from here,” that he think to put it to nefarious means when he get home.

The rest of course is one long story of decline of civilization, as the so-called “thinkers” of the Enlightenment turn the inventions of the Inquisition into weapons for their “science.” The rack become the loom, the thumbscrews become the vice for shipbuilding, and the Iron Maiden become a seminal source of Satanic music such as “Bring Your Daughter to Lower Slaughter” and “Much Binding in the Marsh.” And here we come full circle, because the diminutive dwarf singer of Iron Maiden, Bruce Dickinson, in addition to doing the Cheaps as Chips antiques show, is also a pilot for Astraeus airlines. That is right. And as you undoubtebly know, Astraeus was a Greek god whose name mean “Dawn of the Stars.” Which is the what happen when Gary Leo misuse the telescope to invent Astrology.

You see. Everything is connected in a vast complex Satanic conspiracy funded by the Illuminati, Jews, and Roger Daltrey. The lesson is clear. Never invent anything, because Satan will find an evil use for man’s puny knowledge. Is far better, I think, at least in one respect, to be like a woman and know nothing at all!

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