Do Not Panic: Kill All Mexicans!!


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Is no wonder the swine flu is spreading. His mask have holes in!!!

Hola everybody. I espect you have both been reading about the appalling pandemonic which is taking place in Mexico where they have crossed a pig with a virus and produced swine flu. If we are not careful now, it will cross over from Mexicans to humans and we will have a terrible kerfuffle on our hands just like is predicted in the Book of Revelation. The so-called scientists in charge are saying on the news that so far there are about 150 Mexicans that have died with the flu, which is I think half the population (all the rest of Mexicans live illegally in America) and also 1,600 of them are showing symptoms of the disease, which include the sneezing, the coughing, and rooting around in the dirt for potato peelings (although, as my good friend Carlos is say to me, “how can they tell?”).

Once again we see humanity paying the price for 1: playing with Nature and 2: Not listening to God, and also 3: playing at being God. The swine flu can only develop when human and swine DNA are combined, which can only mean one of two things: Either someone is making the genetically modified pigs, or someone is having sex with pigs and reproducing, making small combined-human-baby-piglets. But also, wait, I have thought of perhaps a third possibility, which is that someone has make an organ transplant from a human being into a pig, maybe for practice or maybe to keep their favourite pet alive.

This would make sense, because, as you know, pig and human DNA are almost identical, apart from the bits for pubic hair and speaking Spanish. Pigs are actually genetically closer to us than gorillas, chimpnezees, bobobos, and pigmies, although they are also closer to pigmies than they are to us. In the past, it was common practice for surgeons to use organs from pigs for operations on humans if there was not the spare human organs around, for instance if the Chinese government was not executing anybody that week: Did you know, in fact, that the first heart transplant was carried out by Dr. Christian Barnyard in Switzerland using a pig’s bladder instead of a human heart? No you did not.

It did not work.

But if this is possible to use pig organisms for humans, then it follow that the other way round is also possible, and that would esplain how the swine flu was invented. Perhap some well-known Mexican celebrity such as, erm, I am not knowing any, but say he have a pet Vietnamese pot-belly pig which have been diagnose as terminally ill with prostate cancer, and the celebrity say, “I care not one jot the espense, I will pay anything to save my pet,” and some enterprising individual, probly from Southeast Asia, hear him and say, “No problem, he can have my prostate, I am not wanting it anyway, my wife’s fingers are too short to reach it,” and then he make the donation to the pig. In this way, the pig is now part human, and when he next catch flu off another pig, he convert it into a part pig-part human flu.

Or maybe the celebrity just had sex with his pig and got it that way.

Whichever way was the truth, and I do not think we can rule out any of these possibilities, I think that our responsibilities are clear now. We must erect a fence all the way along the border between Mexico and the civilized world so that no viruses can get through, and then we must starve the remaining few hundred Mexicans until the flu get fed up with the poor diet and the awful heat and decide to migrate back to pigs again, where the quality of life was much better.

In the Book of Revelation, St. John the Bizarre is predicted to have said that before a black man ever become the president of America, pigs would fly. And what do you know: Swine flu!!

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14 Responses

  1. Anarchist

    April 30, 2009 9:56 am

    Your Bible is foul. God doesn’t exist. Get it in your head.

    To your mention “Kill all Mexicans” I would like to return this statement back to yourself.

  2. Anarchist

    April 30, 2009 9:59 am

    Why this writer is still allowed to spoil this fair website? And his English skills are really bad. Is this left movement or far right, religious, fascist idiotic 3rd world post? Guess the second!

  3. Arthur Dent

    June 25, 2009 4:00 am

    If its a Satire it sucks its not even funny or intelligent

    keep trying

  4. Manuel Estimulo

    June 25, 2009 9:47 am

    Hola Arthur!

    Are you the Arthur Dent from the very funny and brilliant and original Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

    No. Thought not.



  5. Mr Mohammad

    September 22, 2009 6:13 am

    Iam not Mexican or American, Iam arabic and your article is full of stupidities. In first place this country is of indiginous, not europeans and no Arabians. second is true mexicans are so dirties and poor, but there are more peopple dying in china and usa from swine flue than in Mexico, and genetecly americans are who modifies pork DNA, mexicans don’t have so much technology. And on third place is more easy day kill us when we visit CA or NY than americans kill them.