Like a Virgin?

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Ed Notes: Fans of Manuel Stimulation might like to know that he has migrated from his old blog to the all new Coddle Pot funny site, where he’ll be venting his fascistic dirge with Sweary Lady (of Arse End of Ireland), Manuel the Waiter (of Well Done Fillet) and Flann O’Coonassa (of the Irish Begrudger).

If You Are as Old as the Woman You Feel, Silvio is Celebrating the End of His Junior Cert!!

Is the well-known Italian entertainer-cum-emperor-cum-bucket Silvio Berlusconi, who is never in the news for the wrong reasons because he own the news. Escept, that is, in other countries, where they very unwisely still have the free speech and a mass media that are not owned by the same man who own the state. I shall not at this point lament the disappearance of such a situation in my own beloved Spain. Suffice to say that it was that Spanish liberal/Masonic rag El País that have flouted Berlusconi’s authority and have printed several photographs of a private party which take place in his private villa and where everyone have their privates out. There is one picture of a man with a massive huge engorged erect penis (if you squint closely), which at least verify that the pictures were not taken in Spain, and also of young ladies who are topless and thonging around by the pool.

Berlusconi is try very hard to have these photos confiscate and unpublished, because he already have a reputation for the cockmastery, and even though you might think that this would be a positive quality in a leader, demonstrating his Alpha Male status and eliciting confidence from the vulgar masses that he is a one of the lads, Italy these days is filled with feeble-minded judges, limp-wristed journalists (I don’t even know how they manage to type!), and cosmopolitan feminist strap-on wearers who object to the country’s leader using its air force planes to fly his guests around the place. They make the protests with a great show of indignity and righteousness, but the truth is they complain because they have no other way of undermining his firm-handshake authoritarian rule, which the Italian people generally find rather arousing. The publication of the pictures is meant to make people say, “He is using military aircraft to fly people to his villa so that they can behave like this?!” when in fact all they are saying is, “What a crap party! There is not even any dwarves!”

But no, Manuel, you say to me. What is more of concern to us is that Berlusconi is using prostitutes and cosying up to very young ladies when he is still married to a perfectly serviceable wife who he is not yet divorce from. How can you, as a God-fearing member of the one true church turn a blind eye to his wanton womanizing, moral laxity, tuneless crooning, Grecian 2000, and the price of Kaká?

You have a very valid point, I reply, especially about Kaká. However, such moral conununununudrums is esactly what the church fathers have been debate about for thousands of years, even before Jesus was born. And one thing you must realize is that Man is a fallen creature. When Adam and Eve eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge and Naughtiness, was like a veil was lifted from their eyes, and they realize then that they are naked. “Nice tits,” said Adam, and within minutes they were at it. Such are the perils of eating fruit.

As a result, the Church have always been very understanding about sexual promiscuity and wanton figleaf removing. Every Catholic societies know that because Man is a fallen being he is inevitably going to be knocking one out every chance he can or else stealing underwear, sniffing chairs, or taking clandestine photographs of naked people at a private party. Indeed, if the photographer of Berlusconi’s party, Antonello Zappadu, had been using the photographs for his own gratification, nobody would have mind one jot. Was only because he decide to use them for commercial reasons that everyone think he is a degenerate abnormal filthy pervert.

You will also of course find in Catholic societies much sympathy and understanding for the use of the prostitutes by the ordinary man on the street. While we always espect higher standards from our clergy and members of religious orders, and look to them to set us all a fine esample, being closer to God and therefore less inclined to have an interest in the things of the flesh, we accept that men in general are weak and craven and unable to control their urges. This, of course, is precisely the argument for a strong fascist state: Human Nature require it. But buyer beware! The use of prostitutes always come with a health warning, because there is inevitably the danger of the sesually transmitted diseases. I would always advise anyone buying a prostitute to only use virgin prostitutes, if possible extra virgin, because they won’t not have any diseases. It was a lesson my father told me. Told me rather than taught me, since he always prefer the filthiest most esperienced whores whenever he take me to the brothel as a child. But it is a lesson you should carry with you all your life. You should only ever sleep with virgins, and even then it should always be within the confines of a marital relationship. Then you can sleep with lots of them. It is true that many men find this to be a tough code to live by, but the alternative is too horrible to bear thinking about: the VD, the BSE, the Band-AIDS, the HGV, Vertical Mouse Syndrome, and Begorrahrrhea. Sometimes all off the one fingernail.

Therefore, we should not think too harshly of Berlusconi for indulging his puerile manhood. Anyone in his position (72-year-old billionaire sociopath) would do esactly the same thing as he does. Yes you would.

Instead, if you want something to get angry about, here is an issue that is much more worthwhile: The news report that there is a bar near Valencia run by two Polish men which is giving free drink and tapas to customers who insult the staff. Is a big disgrace!

“Polish-born co-owner Bernard Mariusz said the ribbing must be good-natured, not mean, and that the free booze and snacks go only to those who come up with truly original wisecracks.”

I have got a truly original wisecrack for him: “Why don’t you fuck off back to Poland with your ridiculous bar idea?”

Is a joke!!

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