
A Las Barricadas en Lippy
The whole world is going through tough times right now, requiring women everywhere to demonstrate their grit, nerve, courage, flair, and determination. And just because we here at Gorgeo.us believe that it’s every woman’s right to look her best all the time, to do whatever she wants whenever she wants, to define for herself what fun really means, and to express her own individual personality through whatever clothes, hairstyle, shoes, bags, or other accessories she chooses to buy, that doesn’t mean we aren’t aware of the real difficulties facing people out there in the wider world. Past issues of our magazine have mentioned Natasha Walter’s Living Dolls, Kat Banyard’s The Equality Illusion, and Nina Power’s One-Dimensional Woman-even as we type we can see them on the office bookshelves, right next to the Vogue Hair Care Manual. So we’re clearly not here just to advocate irresponsible hedonism and crass conspicuous consumption to our vulnerable teenage readers. In fact, it’s an insult to ALL women to merely suggest that we are. On the contrary, we know that even when our readers are being Serio.us, that doesn’t mean they can’t still be Gorgeo.us.
Here, then, for YOU, are our top tips on how to look your best for the front line, the factory occupation, the guerrilla insurgency, and the final curtain. Do it all with attitude, sister!
On the Picket Line
The Gorgeo.us woman understands the importance of making a stand. You have to represent, girl!
The fabulous Minnie Driver showing how to be both militant and Gorgeo.us. Dolce & Gabbana shades ($469), Jean-Paul Gaultier sailor belt ($149.99), black denim jeans by Victoria Beckham ($199), Cartier watch ($2,899), black blouse from a skip (free).
On the Pro-Choice Rally
We here at Gorgeo.us believe fundamentally in a woman’s right to choose, whether that means choice of eyeliner, nightcreme, handbag, or whether or not to terminate a pregnancy.
Solidarity is Gorgeo.us!
Marching all those miles on unforgiving concrete really takes its toll on your feet and your skin. Wear comfortable-fitting shoes with a low heel and make sure you’ve had a pedicure to avoid ingrown toenails, stubbed and bruised toes, and to prevent foot infections. Use a top-of-the-range moisturiser to combat both sun and wind. Crème de la Mer’s Regenerating Serum ($350) contains stem cells from a hardy marine plant, eryngium maritinum, chosen for its ability to withstand stress. La Prairie’s Cellular Serum Platinum Rare ($800) contains negatively charged platinum and the antioxidant Resveratrol, which has been show in scientific studies to prolong the lives of rats.
On the Barricades
A Gorgeo.us woman is happy to muck in when the occasion demands it. She’d rather be shopping than fighting the pigs, but she has untapped resources that sometimes surprise even herself.
Now THAT’S what I call a Cocktail Party!
The street-fighting gal goes nowhere without her Hermes ($720) or Missoni ($235) scarf, which can be used to keep her hair in place while she levers up the paving stones and doubles up as a mask to conceal her identity or to protect her lungs from the CS gas canisters despatched by the forces of repression. What’s more, it makes a marvelous sling, not the kind for supporting broken arms but the kind that allows her to propel cobbles all the way down the Boulevard. It’s Paris 68 all over again, although in Paris 68 they didn’t have polarized Bulgari sunglasses ($350), which let her throw Mollies into the sun with pinpoint accuracy and spot snatch squads before they’re half-way down the road. And, of course, the Gorgeo.us girl is never without her classic Chanel quilted bag ($2,550). It’s not just appropriate for both rioting and looting: it’s essential!
The Factory Occupation
Common democratic ownership, control, and management of the means of production is the only way to prevent the economic exploitation of one class by another. Gorgeo.us women know that this in itself won’t mean an end to the Patriarchy, but women’s full participation in all production is a sine qua non of any free society.
Mujeres Libres: Because Free Women are Gorgeo.us Women!
Whether you’re just occupying the factory strategically or planning on running it as an ongoing concern, you’re going to need your Emergency Overnight Cosmetic Bag, containing all your beauty essentials. We suggest
Dermalogica Pre Cleanse ($50)
Dermalogica Special Cleansing Gel ($39.99)
Estée Lauder DayWear Plus ($62.95)
Chanel Viatalumière Satin Smoothing Fluid ($59.99)
Chanel Teint Innocence Compact Makeup ($70)
StriVectin-SD Eye Cream ($90)
Chanel Life Lumière Eye Concealer ($72.99)
Nars Eye Shadow in Abyssinia ($35)
Nars Eye Shadow in Ondine ($35)
Talika Lipocils Lash Conditioning Gel ($45)
MAC Pro Lash Mascara ($27.99)
Clinique City Block Sheer ($29.99)
Clarins Colour Quench Lip Balm ($24.99)
REN Neroli and Grapefruit Zest Body Wash ($29)
REN Grapeseed, Jojoba & Shea Body Cream ($39.95)
Life.NK Japanese Wash Cloth ($37.75)
Frédéric Fekkai Full Volume Shampoo ($39.95)
Frédéric Fekkai Protein RX Conditioner ($39.95)
Frédéric Fekkai Full Volume Mousse ($39.95)
Philip Kingsley Elasticizer ($42.50)
Tom Ford White Patchouli ($80 for 30 ml.)
Storming the Winter Palace
Burning down churches and turning convents into people’s libraries don’t sound much like fun to us-unless those nuns have secret stashes of chocolate!-but revolution is the festival of the oppressed, and if that doesn’t sound like the party to end all parties, we don’t know what does!
No Gods or Masters. Except Louboutin!
Preparation is the key to any battle. The Gorgeo.us woman will have visited the nail bar the day before, because she knows that everyone will be looking at her hands while she’s touting that AK-47. Make sure your manicurist uses a non-chip overcoat, such as Revlon Extra Life No Chip Top Coat ($3) and choose a startling scarlet nail polish like OPI Off with Her Red ($7.50), the “tough, vibrant red that says she’s in charge!” Don’t forget to use Body Shop Almond Oil Intensive Hand Rescue Treatment ($18 for 3.4. oz.) afterwards. It provides “S.O.S. moisture for overexposed hands” and can be used on all skin types.
In the Jungle
A Gorgeo.us woman takes no prisoners, but she also knows when to retreat and wage a war of attrition.
Is it HOT out here, or is it just me?
Jungle humidity makes it difficult to look fresh and fabulous throughout the day, but using the right primer can save you the embarrassment of a melting face! Beyond improving the staying power of makeup, primers help to control oil and prevent creasing. A few of them even double up as anti-aging products or add extra hydration to skin. We recommend Laura Mercier Oil-Free Primer ($30). Use it after your moisturizer and before your makeup. For eye shadow, try Urban Decay’s Eye Shadow Primer Potion ($23). It’s the bizness. As for lipbalm, try MD Skincare’s Powerful Sun Protection SPF 25 Lip Balm ($40). You’ll want at least a factor 30 for your skin, too. Why not try Korres Watermelon Lightweight Tinted Moisturiser ($30 for 30 ml.). It has an SPF of 30 and smells divine. And the Body Shop’s Sweet Lemon body range makes a great insect repellent.
The Interrogation
Just because you’ve been captured, this is no time to stop thinking about your appearance. Fascists like their women to be all woman, so this could really be your chance to shine and show off your true self. Just remember: You’re only obliged to give your name, rank and phone number!
We doubt we’d be as brave as Sharon was!
The interrogation is all about seduction. That means your nails should be super-sexy and shiny (Lindsay Lohan swears by Chanel’s Le Vernis Nail Color in Black Satin [$23]), with alluringly long lashes to complement them. There’s no need to mess about with false lashes, which can look tarty, because there’s a vast range of “party-time” mascaras coming out now. Try out Maybelline’s The Falsies Mascara ($16), which delivers a lovely feathery look that’s perfect for fluttering. And don’t forget a perfume that reminds him you’re a sassy, confident, modern woman: Daisy, by Marc Jacobs ($60 for eau de parfum), is a sunny, pure and free-spirited fragrance that just cries femininity. He’ll be putty in your hands!
The Firing Squad
A Gorgeo.us woman is a defiant woman, who knows that while they may kill the revolutionary, they’ll never kill the revolution.
Take Your Best Shot, Boys!
Once they’ve put on the blindfold, you won’t have to worry about mascara or eyeliner, but you’ll still want to go out in a blaze of glory. Be bold, using a fiery, bright lipstick, such as Revlon’s ColorBurst in Coral ($9) or Estée Lauder’s Cherry Kiss ($20), then do matching gloss on top, like Dior Addict UltraGloss in Red Stockings ($27). If the blindfold leaves the brows visible, you’ll want them full to balance out the daring lips. Brush them upward, pluck strays, then lightly fill them in with a brow pencil. Those guys in the firing squad won’t forget you in a hurry!
From the March online edition of Gorgeo.us magazine.
Discussion
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Comment by: Anna
Apr 7th 2010 at 20:04
Nice. is it kind of a joke on Irish women?
Comment by: Prenderghast
Apr 7th 2010 at 21:04
Hi Anna–
Thanks. It’s more of a parody of “the new sexism” and those who encourage it for commercial gain.
But it’s never as funny if you have to explain it.
JP
Comment by: Laura Smalley
Jun 7th 2010 at 23:06
Thank you for the parody. I am with you
Comment by: Prenderghast
Jun 9th 2010 at 07:06
Ha ha. Thanks Laura. And thanks for the link.