“Inter fans, I am have some good news and some bad news!!!”
I am not a great fan of logic, as you are all know, but when you have won the most prestigious club competition in the world with two mediocre clubs, logic must dictate to you that there is nothing left for you to do escept either (1) retire, (2) do it all again but with the crappest club in all the world, or (3) become manager of the best club in the world, the perfect fit for the best manager in the world, and hope that soon some kind of intergalactic tournament is set up so that you can test still further your brilliance and fantastic talents. Number (1) is out of the question if you are only 47, number (2) is out of the question if you hate Barcelona with a vengenance, which is only leave number (3), and which is why we can espect any day now that the world’s best Portuguese man (including Brazil) Jose Mourinho will be announced as the new manager of Real Madrid best team in the world. This is fantastic news not just for him, but also will put the wind up Barcelona fans, who are already hate Mourinho and whose hatred is reciprocate. It will also be great news for Manchester United supporters, who are espect that all the best players from Chelsea will now head for the Bernabeu, such as Frank Crampard, Ellen Terry, Diddle-eye Drogba, and Joke Hole. But not Deco. Arsenal fans will be less happy, Tottenham fans will be peeved, and Liverpool fans couldn’t not give a shit.
It was only yesterweek that Mourinho was leading Inter Milan to the Champion League trophy, but already behind the scene there was machinations going on to lure him away. The previous manager of Real, whose name I can’t now remember, was unable to secure even a single piece of silverware in the past season. Someone even stole some of the spoons in the players’ lounge, so the club is actually down on silverware this year. This was despite having spent over 250 billion euros in the previous summer to buy players such as Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaka, and Xabi Alonso, who are all now estremely embarrass. Spare a thought for them. They have win nothing this year. Nothing.
Real’s president, Florentino Perez, have said that “Mourinho’s style of play will fit with the history of Madrid. To win, the values, the spirit of sacrifice, it will fit perfectly.” I am not sure which Madrid he is talk about here. I am hope he is refer to the heroism of Siege of the Alcázar, rather than the sneakiness of fifth columnists. But of course it takes more than a spirit of sacrifice to win. It requires stealth, cleverness, and torture of prisoners. Ask Alex Ferguson.
Mourinho will not lack for motivation to win La Liga. Everyone is know how much he despise Barcelona for the contempt with which they treat him and for never having offer him the manager job there. Mourinho would take the Madrid job just to snub the Catalans (so if Perez has play his cards right, he should be able to get Mourinho cheap!). In Barcelona, they are still refer to him as “The Translator,” because when he come to the club with Bobby Robson from Portugal, it was Mourinho who learn Catalan and who answer all the interview questions for him and for Louis van Gaal afterward, when Robson leave. Who can forget the hilarious post-match chat on La Sexta when one of the questioners was describe van Gaal’s demeanour as “Fishwifish” but Mourinho was translate it as “Fishknifish”? Everyone was fall about on the floor when they see the look on van Gaal’s face. Because it was very fishwifish indeed!*
Incidentally, I am not sure why calling someone “The Translator” is such an insult in Barcelona. If you go there or to the Basque country or Cornwall or any similar such places where they have artificially encouraged dead languages, you will find that nearly 50% of those in work are either interpreters or translators. Is one of the main ways to stimulate the economy when the rest of the population is feckless. Perhaps it is an insult in the same way that dole cheats and lazy anarchists mock hard-working ordinary folk as “wage slaves.” In which case Mourinho should wear it as a badge of pride, and when Real win La Liga nest year, on his blazer he should have the word “Translator” printed. In Catalan.
I am also hope just to spite Barcelona that we will get a decent sponsor this year. Barcelona is so pious and high and mighty with Unesco emblazoned across their shirts it make me want to puke. They are SO self-righteous. Hopefully we can find sponsors who make something that kill children, such as a weapons manufacturer or McDonald’s. There is nothing worse than a holier-than-thou Catalan, and is about time that they were reminded that it is Real Madrid that is Jesus’ team, not theirs. That is why Jesus wears white!
* I am reliably inform that these are the only two words in the English language in which the word “fish” is appear twice. The only phrase that comes close is Martin Luther King’s famous “I haddock bream.”