Losing weight doesn’t have to be a major undertaking, providing you’re willing to make the necessary tweaks to your everyday habits that mean the difference between oh-boy! and o-bese. The U.S. National Institutes of Health report that a net loss of a mere 231 calories every day for a month is enough to guarantee a drop in dress size or an inch off your waist. We discovered 30 easy ways to burn up PRECISELY 231 calories a day which you can incorporate into your routine so that after a month you’ll be looking good and feeling great. After a year, you’ll be unrecognizable!
1: Sit in a chair and stretch your legs out in front of you. Sellotape your legs together at the knees, binding them tightly. Then force your legs apart. Don’t give in!
2: Put all your shopping in the wrong cupboards, then take them out and put them into the right ones.
3: Varnish, then strip, a fifth of the back fence.
4: Vacuum your living room ceiling (It’s not as easy as it sounds!)
5: Lick your sofa clean.
6: Crush a whiskey glass in your left hand. Do not stanch the bleeding.
7: Chase (but do not catch) a bluebottle round your kitchen for 15 minutes.
8: Have a proper fight with a nine-year-old girl.
9: Defecate angrily.
10: Hide the remote control, turn the house upside down for 15 minutes, then find it.
11: Keep a wasp in your mouth for five minutes. Do not suck or swallow wasp.
12: During your office lunch-hour, strap a chihuahua or other similarly sized dog into a sling and carry it round your neck. Remember to take it off at the end of your lunch hour.
13: Recycle your own urine (for three days).
14: Buy a Wii and Wii Fit Board, take them out of the box, put back in. Repeat x50.
15: Instead of using low-fat spread with your croissants in the morning, use soap.
16: Scatter biscuit crumbs in your bed before retiring.
17: Stand on one leg for fourteen hours.
18: Climb 145 feet up a cliff.
19: Bend wire coathangers into a lifesize marmoset.
20: Take a brisk, refreshing walk through Wythenshawe Park after dark.
21: Go to a Salsacise class and stand outside laughing heart-healthily at the suckers going in.
22: Make passionate, dangerous love to your partner in a public place, but ejaculate/orgasm prematurely.
23: Walk to the gym. Buy some water. Walk home.
24: Find an ants nest and stamp on them individually.
25: Pretend you made it to the World Cup final. Show yellow cards to nine Dutch men.
26: Follow through.
27: Tie yourself to a chair and watch Top Gear.
28: Lose to an adult or beat a small child at badminton.
29: Go to a nightclub, boogie the night away, then insult the door staff on the way out of the club and the security staff on your way in to the hospital.
30: Wax a leg