The Reason Why Rabbits Hop

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Once upon a time, superstitions and rituals were the sole preserve of reactionaries, professional athletes, the alienated, children, and those suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder. These days, however, it seems like everyone is aware of how little control they have over their lives and consequently feels the need to propitiate the gods of Fate and Fortune in whatever way seems to work. We here at Modern Astrology asked you, our readers, to tell us what methods you use to reclaim a sense of hope for the future and control over your destiny. And boy! did you have some ideas. Here, then, are your superstitions for the 21st century. Try them out, experiment, modify, report back. Remember: We rely on you to keep superstition scientific!

If you see a priest being beaten up, make a wish!
A. Symptote
Chelsham and Farleigh
Surrey

It’s bad luck backstage at the X Factor to mention Susan Boyle. She is to be referred to as “The Scottish Singer.”
B. Troote
Crowhurst
Surrey

If you press channel 13, 13 times, on your remote, whoever appears on the screen will be dead within the year. Unless they’re already dead, in which case YOU will die.
C. Nillitee
Walton-on-the-Hill
Surrey

If your ears are burning, your iPod’s on fire.
D. Lirryus
Felbridge
Surrey

Premature ejaculate should be flicked over your left shoulder.
E. Stereyeland
Dormansland
Surrey

It’s bad luck to see 10 dogs and no owners.
F. R. Vessent
Caterham Valley
Surrey

If you have an itchy nose, it means you’re going to have an argument. With your dealer.
G. Wizz
Bletchingley
Surrey

A webcam placed in a children’s bedroom means you will soon have a visitor in uniform.
H. Aingeisgunnakumm
Woodmansterne
Surrey

Never open a packet of cigarettes indoors.
I. Fuhgivvew
Whitebushes
Surrey

On the first day of every month the first thing you should say is “sub me a tenner.”
J. Louse-Rock
Tadworth
Surrey

Imbibing a sports drink before 12.00 noon is bad luck.
K. Bull-Teevee
Sidlow
Surrey

It’s bad luck to use the same razor to shave your balls as you use for your face.
L. Onnearth
Reigate
Surrey

It’s bad luck to let your kids eat two different flavours of Pringles on the same day.
M. Pathetic
Redhill
Surrey

It’s bad luck to wear white at a wedding.
N. Deavour
Nork
Surrey

If a soldier’s funeral cortege passes you in the street, it means bad luck and you must spit on the ground and turn your back.
O. Pful
Netherne-on-the-Hill
Surrey

Dropping a glove in a public place means you can soon expect a rude awakening.
P. Coyle
Merstham
Surrey

If two Jehovah’s Witnesses come to your door and you manage to kill one but the other gets away, that’s bad luck.
Q. Neiform
Meadvale
Surrey

Hear of a birth, hear of an abortion.
R. Tanlangwidge
Kingswood
Surrey

Tread on a crack, sue the council.
S. Timayshun
Horley
Surrey

Sign up for a iPhone on O2 and you’ll have 18 months of bad luck.
T. Neidl
Hooley
Surrey

See a PIN and punch it in, take the cash, card in the bin.
U. Shitt
Epsom
Surrey

Don’t do step aerobics on crack
V. Kneel-Sinn
Earlswood
Surrey

When your laptop crashes, somewhere in America a programmer dies.
X. Emplary
Chipstead
Surrey

To wish someone good luck before they play an online video game, you should say, “Break a wrist.”
Y. Pfaff-Aboutt
Burgh Heath
Surrey

It’s bad luck to find a horseshoe still attached to the hoof.
Z. Planeboss
Banstead
Surrey

From the June 2010 issue of Modern Astrology magazine.

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