Once upon a time, superstitions and rituals were the sole preserve of reactionaries, professional athletes, the alienated, children, and those suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder. These days, however, it seems like everyone is aware of how little control they have over their lives and consequently feels the need to propitiate the gods of Fate and Fortune in whatever way seems to work. We here at Modern Astrology asked you, our readers, to tell us what methods you use to reclaim a sense of hope for the future and control over your destiny. And boy! did you have some ideas. Here, then, are your superstitions for the 21st century. Try them out, experiment, modify, report back. Remember: We rely on you to keep superstition scientific!
If you see a priest being beaten up, make a wish!
Chelsham and Farleigh
It’s bad luck backstage at the X Factor to mention Susan Boyle. She is to be referred to as “The Scottish Singer.”
If you press channel 13, 13 times, on your remote, whoever appears on the screen will be dead within the year. Unless they’re already dead, in which case YOU will die.
If your ears are burning, your iPod’s on fire.
Premature ejaculate should be flicked over your left shoulder.
It’s bad luck to see 10 dogs and no owners.
F. R. Vessent
If you have an itchy nose, it means you’re going to have an argument. With your dealer.
A webcam placed in a children’s bedroom means you will soon have a visitor in uniform.
Never open a packet of cigarettes indoors.
On the first day of every month the first thing you should say is “sub me a tenner.”
Imbibing a sports drink before 12.00 noon is bad luck.
It’s bad luck to use the same razor to shave your balls as you use for your face.
It’s bad luck to let your kids eat two different flavours of Pringles on the same day.
It’s bad luck to wear white at a wedding.
If a soldier’s funeral cortege passes you in the street, it means bad luck and you must spit on the ground and turn your back.
Dropping a glove in a public place means you can soon expect a rude awakening.
If two Jehovah’s Witnesses come to your door and you manage to kill one but the other gets away, that’s bad luck.
Hear of a birth, hear of an abortion.
Tread on a crack, sue the council.
Sign up for a iPhone on O2 and you’ll have 18 months of bad luck.
See a PIN and punch it in, take the cash, card in the bin.
Don’t do step aerobics on crack
When your laptop crashes, somewhere in America a programmer dies.
To wish someone good luck before they play an online video game, you should say, “Break a wrist.”
It’s bad luck to find a horseshoe still attached to the hoof.
From the June 2010 issue of Modern Astrology magazine.