We Are Not Need No Education!

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The Bullingdon Club: Producing Your Cultured Elite for the Last 200 Years

This week is a big one for all those layabout teenagers getting their A-level results and Leaving Cert certificates so that they can become layabout students at the espense of those of us who work or who live on their well-earn pensions, such as myself. Is a time of much angst, whatever that is, crying, punching walls, celebratory sex, consolatory sex, hangovers, legovers, pullovers, suicides, and avoiding the neighbours or phone calls from the smug relatives. As you will have seen in the paper today, the pass rate in Britain for the A levels this year was 99.999999 percent, which meant that only three people in the hole country failed, and they were all from the same family, in Southampton. The consequence of such a high pass rate, beside making the qualifications totally meaningless (consider, after all, that only 93 percent of the population has a birth certificate, which mean that being born is actually more impressive than having A-level molecular biology), is that competition for places in the country’s universities are will be much intenserer than in previous years, which will mean that parents will be pulling all their strings to get their children in, whether they are pursestrings, apronstrings, or arsestrings.

In Ireland, there is a big kerfuffle now because of the danger of lots of students ending up on the dole, since there is no work for the ones who cannot get into university, and the goverment realize that providing places for them in university would (1) be estremely more espensive, and (2) could result in rioting like what happen in France and England in 1968, when lots of unemployable louts and thickoes were kept artificially off the unemployment register by building redbull universities and teaching them non-educational subjects like media studies, sociology, art, and cetera, which would be of no use to them when they eventually graduate and find a job in Abrakebabra or prostitution. Which is why they rioted.

Ireland traditionally was always use to have an escape hatch, because families were able to send their pointless mouths abroad to be a burden on somebody else instead, on the off-chance they might strike it lucky and send back lottery winnings or, if they emigrate to Australia, sunshine. This time round, however, there is nowhere for the family disgrace to be disappeared to, unless they are buried at the bottom of the garden and then everyone pretends that he have gone interrailing or off to India to find herself. Taking a year out is a great fall-back escuse, and in the meantime the family can build a hot tub in the back yard over the grave and then move to a new town where nobody know them.

Personally, though, I think that the concern about these results has getted out of all proportion. After all, who is really needing an education in this day and age, when we discover, like we did last week, that airplanes can now be landed by monkeys using just their thoughtwaves? Once upon a time a modicum of knowledge was required of the peasants so that they was able to do our accounts, read the weather forecast, fix my car, but with that came all the conconcomitant dangers posed by enabling inferior peoples to think for themselves and learn independently: teaching them to read would not have been so bad if the printing press was not being invented. They would have had nothing to read! Sadly, for some reason, education seems to come only with the harmful side-effect of autonomous thinking, which should always be stamped on like it was a crazed ant. Or boil water on it. Or crush its eggs and set fire to its nest. Fortunately, these days, the only people who are need knowledge are the Church, which is why we have confession, and robots who, eventually, when they are sophisticate enough, will be our willing slaves and will replace all the until now necessary workforce.

There is a solution to hand for all this bewailing and moaning, but the so-called right-wing governments in Britain and Ireland are too chickenshit coward to take the logical necessary steps, namely, to close down all the schools and universities. Think of all the money that would be saved (Schools like Eton and Clongowes would stay open, funded by the wealthy parents, but of course the purpose of such schools is not to provide an education: It is to provide a ruling class.) The governments could also then cut unemployment benefit to increase competition for the remaining jobs, so that only the best, most subservient and abject subjects would survive. All of the money saved from shutting the schools and getting rid of the dole could then be used to save the banks and reinstate the bonuses of the much-maligned and hard-done-by ruling elite who suffer more than anyone in harsh times because they are so much more sensitive and cultured than the brutish ignorant masses they support.

When punk band the Pink Floyd bring out their song “Another Prick in the Wall,” which provide the title of this post, I was buy it straight away, listen to it, memorize the words, then eat it. I was a spy, remember, in those days. In a way, that song is still lodged within in me, both in my brain and in my lower instestine. Is time now, I believe, to bring it back up, to regurgitate values from the good old days so that society as a hole may benefit. Please join in with me. If you are not knowing the words, they go:

We are not need no education
What we need is thought control
Some dark Sarkozy in the palace
Teach us to leave our nads alone

Hey! Teach us! to leave our nads alone
Pray to god the ball hits another prick in the wall
Cover your crotch but don’t touch your prick in the wall


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