He Cometh Like a Thief in a Knight!
Some of My Best Friends are Male Prostitutes
The ancient Chinese use to have an ancient Chinese blessing, which was go like this: May you be in the Interesting Times. The Interesting Times was the first ever invented daily newspaper, based in Beijing, which then was called Peking, and before that Constantinople. It was consider to be a height of good fortune to appear in the paper in those days, because there was not no paparazzi (the emperor had them all hung, drawn and quartered, then the drawings was put in the paper) and therefore there was not the celebrity culture and people saying “Ooh, hasn’t she got big feet,” or “That Lady Wei have let herself go a bit.” Thus everyone who appear in the Interesting Times was treat with respect or awe. Or respect.
We are therefore you should think blessed ourselves for being in the Interesting Times. Not in the literal sense of having time-travelled back, like Doctor Hu, but in the metaphorical sense of having lots of interesting things happen around us. Only in the past this week, for instants, we are having the big mine esplosion in New Zealand, in their competition with Chile; the big implosion of the economy in lovely pissing Ireland which may yet cause the whole of Europe to sink beneath the waves; the unclear war between the North Korea and the South Korea; the stunning fight to the death between that white tiger and Wendy Craig in the Harrowgate Tesco’s car park; the annunciation of the royal wedding between Prince William from England and Princess Kate from Middleton; the general strike by the lazy, indigent Portugueses; the hilarious torturing of Penelope Keith on I’m a Celeriac, Eat Me Out of Here; and also John Travolta and Kelly Preston’s new replacement son. Is all, I am sure you agree, incredibly interesting, and would provide me with a total complete range of topics on which to blogpost about fascism.
However, there is only ONE STORY this week that is really worth commenting on, and that is because it is the one story that truly presages the end of civilization as we are know it and which PROVE DEFINITIVELY my contention that the Throne of Saint Peter is being now occupy by a FALSE POPE, a USURPER whose plan is to bring into discreditacy the one true church by introducing illegal, immoral, liberal, evil, sinful atheist communist policies, all under the guise of being a wise, level-headed, disciplined, sensible right-wing hero.
Yes, the usurper Bendedict this week made the declaration in a book about to be publish that it is acceptable for male prostitutes, also known as jingolos, to use condnoms.
The very act of typing such blasphemy have just cause my little finger to drop off.
Si! That is how much of an abomnination this new ruling truly is. And what justification does the Usurper give for this ruling? He is say that if a male prostitute is using a condnom to prevent the spread of HIV, then this may signify the beginning of a realization that sex is an act that involve something more than the eschange of money and bodily fluids. It is no longer just about the men having an orgasm and the women having a nice lie down. No. It is the start of the realization that sex is a meaningful social activity that take place between one and up to six people and therefore entails responsibilities to those other peoples, such as cleaning down the leather couch afterwards, vacuuming, and bleaching the anus.
Have you ever heard such ludicrant hoarse manure in all your god-given daze? Since when was stopping people from getting the HIV from a prostitute a good thing? Everyone knows that this is the price they are espect to pay for the sex outside of marriage. If they was not having the sex in the first place with a prostitute, they would not be getting the HIV.
What is even more worrying, however, is the logical estension of this argument that the Usurper Bendedict is making. If it is acceptable to use the condnoms for non-prophylactic purposes such as this, then it follow also that there may be other circumstance where condnoms may also be use to prevent the transfer of HIV and where there is no danger whatsoever in the first place of reproduction, i.e., namely, such as the anal sex between a male homosexual prostitute and his male clients. In other word, what the Usurper Pope has done here is to produce a somdomite’s charter encouraging anal sex between men for money!
My thumb have just fallen off.
At what point will realize the people of the Holy Roman Catholic Church that they are being rule over by a fake, a charletan, a chiseler, an imposter, a swimbler, a spinx, and a cock? Surely now any authority that the Church has have had over its minions have been blown forever, like the head of an inflatable doll in a public school khazi. Jesus must be spinning in his grave.
Of course, the ancient Chinese also were having another ancient Chinese blessing, which was go like this: This two shall pass. The origin of this saying is lost in time but have something to do I think with a pair of the empress’s love balls that went missing. Anyway, the point is that eventually everything comes out in the end. That is the thought with which we must arseole ourselves.
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Collaboration, with our European partners | Cunning Hired Knaves
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[...]
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Comment by: Pope Epopt
Nov 25th 2010 at 11:11
Thanks to the miraculous responsiveness of the Hangzhou Manufacturing Zone, I am able to offer to readers of the ILR a competitive price on condoms in bulk. They are tastefully embossed with the St. Peter’s seal, and have the slogan ‘oscula analum’ written in gothic script up the sides.
All sizes catered for, even O’Dea (microscopically assisted applicator included in 24-pack).
Apply to the email above.
Comment by: Donagh
Nov 25th 2010 at 12:11
At last, SPAM I can endorse. Not that I am getting a cut in potential sales you understand.
Comment by: Small Girl
Nov 25th 2010 at 16:11
Pope, do you have any O’Dea mustachioed ticklers for sale? (Can’t believe I wrote this filth - Manuel it’s all your fault)
Comment by: Manuel Estimulo
Nov 25th 2010 at 18:11
Hola Small!
We must not shirk the unsavory in our pursuit of piety. Even if it mean imagining Willies.
Do you do diminutive Spanish size, Epop? They are for a friend.
Besos
Manuel
Comment by: Pope Epopt
Nov 26th 2010 at 11:11
Send the details Manuel, and we will accommodate your ‘friend’. We can even do it in Real Madrid colours.
It’s give the ladies in the canteen at Hangzhou Bespoke Latex a bit of a laugh. But believe me, they’ve seen it all.
Comment by: Pope Epopt
Nov 26th 2010 at 11:11
@Small Girl
No problem, just specify whether you want badger or boar. But the shelf life is limited - they disintegrate in December.
Comment by: Small Girl
Nov 26th 2010 at 12:11
Well badgers are a protected species (maybe not in some parts) and I don’t fancy anything boaring and they disintegrate in December anyway. Tell you what, I’ll wait and see what the new models are like when they’re all lined up on the shelf in February! I hope there will be Minister for Breathlessness to Convey Sincerity ones.
Comment by: Manuel Estimulo
Nov 27th 2010 at 19:11
Hola Epop!
Please also can you make sure all condnoms have holes in them? I want to ensure my friend is not committing any sins and also to give him and his sister a big surprise!
Besos
Manuel