You should be at home making profiteroles, not making penis jokes on a podium.

Me: I have a question for you. What have got in common Ronald Reagan, Margaret Thatcher, and Pope John Paul Mark 2?

You: Is it that they all are dead?

Me: Don’t be a moronic. Everyone all knows that Pope John Paul Mark 2 is not at all dead but is being kept under loch and quay in the cellars of Castelgandolfo by the evil usurper Bendedict and his lackeys. Also his lickeys.

You: Yes, of course. You have reason. I give up, then. In what way are they all common?

Me: I am glad you ask. What they all have in common is that they was all spared by God from being assassinate in order to carry out their divine mission of restoring the caliphate. No. Not the caliphate. The other one.

You: Hell on Earth?

Me: No! Idiot! I mean the restoration of the rule of the Holy Roman Catholic Church on Earth. The Pontifract.

You: Ah yes. Of course.

Me: Of course. Because, as you have probably already notice from looking back at history, all the good people who are fulfill God’s divine mission on Earth survive assassinations, whereas all the evil peoples-John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Robert Louis Stevenson, John Lennon, George Harris-die. And as you can see from this list, it is not like there is any simple earthly esplanation, such as right-wingers are better marksman than liberal pacifists, because it is clear that the people who was doing the shooting were not politically motivated at all. They was just either concerned citizens, such as John Wilkes Booth, James Earl Gray, and Lee Harvey Norman, or else just fans of good music, such as Mark Chapman and cancer (Chapman, I understand, was motivated by the rumour that the Beatles was about to re-form, so his differences with John Lennon was mainly aesthetic). And also the peoples who tried to kill Reagan, Thatcher, and Pope John Paul Mark 2, namely, John Hinckley, the IRA, and Grey Wilf, they was all similarly apolitical. They just liked Jodie Foster.

Therefore, even though it is a truism that the Good Lord works in mysterious ways his wonders to perform, any fool with half a brain left, like JFK, can see that there is a definite pattern in his actions, and this is why I am much begrieved to see fascist ladies such as Sarah Palin who should know better making ridic statements in the media following the rampage shooting in Tucson, Arizona, last weekend.

You can always tell that a political movement is in trouble, when its leader is a lady. The so-call Tea Party movement, for instant, have made Palin its spokesperson. Obviously, she is the brains of the outfit; you can tell, because she wears glasses. But this in itself is a sign that something is fundamentally wrong. No right-wing organization can survive for long when women are its leaders, intellectual or otherwise. It is symptomatic of the decadence, degeneracy and flabbiness of American conservatism that its men have allowed women out of the house in the first place, let alone allow them to read books/teleprompters/People Weekly. And then to put them in charge of the movement? What kind of limp-wristed panty-waist lisping flounceboys are the “men” in this so-call Tea Party!? Are they biscuit munchers?! Are they saucer sippers?! Are they pinkie raisers?! They should be ashame that they are incapable of organizing a virile, manly, BUTCH tea party, with their women back in the kitchen making the sandwiches and scones and fairy cakes. With two sugars please. That way, you would not have the idiot Palin standing up in public with her mouth in a luscious O around a hairy microphone, ridiculing her husband’s dimensions, and saying stupid things like, “this rampage was not politically motivate. It was a nutter on the bus.”

Si! That is what she was say: It was not a politically motivate rampage! It was just by chance that the gunman shot a congresswoman and a judge, and everyone around them. Because in any random crowd at any shopping mall in the United States, you can guarantee that at least one person will be a judge, and another one will be a member of Congress. America is a democracy like that.

I am being sarcarstic, of course. The fact is, unless you are willing to argue that the gunman’s REAL target was a nine-year-old girl and it just was happen to be a coincidence that the judge and congresswoman was there-a conspiracy theory that I have not yet heard on Glenn Beck but is only a matter of time-then you really do not have a leg to stand on and should think about sitting down. And maybe buying a wheelchair.

Is very embarrassing for the so-call Tea Party. And it also show (1) that a little learning is a bad thing and (b) that fascist ladies are better off having no learning at all. Even the more proof of that came when Palin was make reference in her television speech to the casting of a “blood libel” against Tea Party members by those who have accuse them of stoking hatred. What a dunts! Any fascist in his right mind can tell you that the term “blood libel” is have a specific meaning, and the fact that Sarah Palin was use it demonstrates conclusively that her husband have been leaving books lying about the house and she has most likely dipped in and skimmed one then lost interest without properly digesting it, like when you do a brass rubbing of a Latin inscription. Some trace remains, but you are not know what it means.

“Blood libel” is a term which was invented by the Jews, Zionists, Masons, Illuminati, and their liberal intellectual friends in the media as a way of smearing fascists and holy Roman Catholics for their revelation that Jews killed Christian children and used their blood in the making of matzos for consuming at Passover, when the Jewish God flew over Egypt and only killed the Christian children. No true fascist would ever use the term “blood libel,” because it implies that there is no truth to the claim. Therefore, when Sarah Palin was include it in her speech, you could hear fascists all around the country slapping their foreheads in exasperation in front of their televisions and saying “somebody needs to take that woman indoors and shoot her.” But of course they was only say it to themselves. Not on a Web site.

My only hope is that all of this is a cunning plan to unite all right-thinking right-wing people by bringing down the wrath of mockery upon Palin to such an estent that they begin to feel protective of her. We know how this was done very cleverly by George W. Bush. He was such a blitherin gidiot that when all the liberals and blue state pointy heads was laugh at him for not knowing where New Orleans was or for stapling himself in the ear when he answer the phone, ordinary American fascists who was just like Bush felt defensive about him, which was consequently able to generate solidarity with him and sympathy for him. True-blooded American fascists all said, “Hey! We can’t not spell either and who cares where foreing is?! We want a president just like us, not one like you smart-arse liberals who can hold pencils and speak black.” And so spiteful did they feel, that they was all vote for him. Twice.

But we must be careful. Fascists rarely trust cunning plans. We prefer generally to be outfront and calling a spade a spade. If something stands in our way-a gate, a whitetail deer, a trade union-we prefer to smash it using brute force rather than guile. You need to show all of the above who is boss. Cunning plans have a way of backfiring. Or firing back. Because fascists are not cunning. Jews and liberals are. And also women.

But not fascist women. Go figure!

You: Women, eh? Kuh. How true. Bless you, Manuel. And thank you. I will go now.

Me: Si. Go.

You: I love you, Manuel.

Me: Si. I know.

You: Will you hug me in a manly way?

Me: Not right now. Just go.