The Haçienda Must be Destroyed!
Send Off the Clowens!
Lovely holy pissing Ireland has erupt into chaos and violence this week as the government was dissolve and now there is an empty vacuum standing in its place. A very espensive vacuum that does not work very well. A Dyson. And as any moron student of political philosophy can tell you, if a society is not having a leader, very quickly humans return to a state of nature, eating berries and twigs, like they do in Monaghan, and having unprotected sex outside marriage and without a priest watching, like in Cork. Is therefore imperative that lovely holy pissing Ireland is soon replacing the vacuum with a new brush that sweeps clean. Not one of those little handbrushes with a dust pan, either, but a gigantic nailbrush, with metal wires for hairs and wielded by a strong man. Or better yet, a strongman.
The currant problem with Ireland is that it is have an electoral system which guarantee that nothing can ever change. The same peoples have been in power in the country since the 1920s. They are called The Gombeen Men and they have a new record out in March. Of course, not having no change ever is a very good thing, so long as what you have in place is a strict feudal hierarchy, but Ireland was taking a wrong turn in the old days when it was introduce the new-fangled concept of democracy, even though it had already been tried and showed to fail in the USA, America, Britain, France, and Germany. But once democracy sinks its teeth into a people, it does not let go. Is like rabies. And also, like rabies, eventually the people who are bitten stop noticing that they have been bitten and even stop being in any pain after a while because the virus has got to their brain and they end up comatose and frothing at the mouth and being scared of water. Is like a frog in a blender. You can slowly turn up the speed and the frog will not notice.
Ultimately, however, what is happen is that the democracy atrophies into the kind of corrupt, decadent, nepotistic cronygarchy that we are see today in Ireland. Is only natural, of course, and Aristotle the Greek was warn everyone about it several hundred year ago. What will happen, he esplained, was that when you have a stable democracy, everyone is go about their normal day-today lifes and in the meanwhile there is develop a division of labour, with the consequence that you end up with a political class which is self-perpetuate and act in its own interest at the espense of the rest of the people. And because the job of running a democracy is in basic one of managing the state, all the rival groups within the political class all end up looking and acting the same, going to the same restaurants and brothels, the same schools and golf clubs, and in reality they have nothing between them different escept a cosmetic veneer. Thus, as you can see above, Biff O’Cowen has eyeliner and lipstick on, whereas End O’Kenny, who is boss of the Fine Gaels, wears a wig and high heels. Otherwise, there is nothing to tell them apart. Even their parties are no different, escept that the Fine Gaels does not pretend that it cares about the working class.
This stability of the decadent corrupt political class is reinforce by the political structures that the class has put in place to protect itself. The simple idiot Irish electorate votes by using a system known as UTV, which is stand for Unavoidable Transferring Vote. What this mean is that whoever they vote for, the same people get in. If they vote for the Fianna fail, that party is form the government with its Gombeen agenda. If they vote for the Fine Gaels, that party forms the government, with its Gombeen agenda, with little difference from Fianna fail. And if they vote Labour, Labour is make a coalition with the Fine Gaels, who they pretend not to agree with but in fact they are indistinguishable. So, a vote for Labour is a vote for the Fine Gaels is a vote for Fianna fail. Is genius!
Not only that, but also the political class has covered itself so that when one party is out of power, it is really in power by virtue of marriage. For instance, Richard Burton of the Fine Gaels, who was use to be married to Elizabeth Taylor, is now married to Joan Burton, of the Labour Party. Brian Lenihan of the Fianna fail is married to the chairman of the Central Bank of Ireland and to the head of RTE. End O’Kenny is married to the owner of the Irish Independent and Biff O’Cowen to the owner of the Irish Times. And Eamonn Gilmore is not married to anyone but he has a Fat Rabbit. Is just like the 400 Familles that run France, or else Paraguay in the 19th century, when the country was belong to a small elite of landholders and haçienda dwellers, all married to one another and owning the newspapers, television, race horses, race llamas, and the now-estinct paraguays, after which the country was named. Similarly, in Ireland even today, a third of all the TDs are landlords. And some of the others are landladies. The rest are not. But they would like to be.
Is therefore impossible for the electoral system in Ireland to change anything. Is the electoral system itself which is have to be change. The most sensisble suggestion I have heard so far is that instead of electioning a government, Ireland should dissolve the political class altogether and hold a lottery. Whoever wins the lottery can then be made ruler of Ireland, unless it is a lady who wins, in which case we will have to re-run the lottery until we get it right. As Aristotle was rightly point out, dictatorship is a much better idea than democracy and has been tried many times in history with much success, e.g. Spain. The lottery has the added benefit that whoever is made dictator will probly be just an ordinary decent run-up-the-mill Irish citizen with your typical broadly acceptable fascist beliefs, and he will no doubt jump at the chance to rule the country if history is anything to go by. However, to ensure that there is no nepotism or cronyism, which has been the downfall of Ireland so far, whoever wins the lottery, we will have to kill all his family. Is a small price to pay to avoid corruption, I think, and I imagine the winner himself will be okay with it given all the free sex and drugs he will be able to get as absolute ruler. Berlusconi seems to handle it quite well.
Therefore, to all my reader in Ireland, I would ask you to doorstop your candidates when they come pleading for your vote and ask them, “Are you willing to have all your family killed for a better Ireland?” If they say no, you have my permission to slam your door in their faces. Do not accept any compromise on this point. Sinn Fein may offer to have other people’s families killed, but that does not count.
And if they DO have a lottery, don’t forget to buy a ticket. It Could be You!!
Discussion
We welcome and encourage lively discussion from the public about articles on Irish Left Review. You can leave a comment using the form at the bottom of the page. Please read through the existing comments before posting your own.
This article is, however, being discussed on the following websites:
Feb 3rd 2011