Posts By Kevin Higgins

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The Little Elections

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after The League of Gentlemen

 

Unlike all other candidates,

 I’m very much in favour of dog shit;

have it with everything;

am especially fond of the sort produced by

frightened Rottweilers.

I have the energy, enthusiasm and necessary

sexual appetite to properly

service the people behind doors

I’m knocking on locally.

I’m for more traffic jams

and overweight policemen called

Frank.

I won’t be diverted into talking

about abortion or world war four.

This is a little election for little people.

I’m against nasal congestion

and political reform; have lived locally

for the past half hour.

DDD

Our eight year old, Cian,

will support whatever football team

you want him to. I’m against

adverse weather conditions in Salthill;

okay, in theory, with the continued

existence of black people.

I’ve studied transport systems

at Mauthausen, Belzec, Vorkuta; think I know

how to ensure two Ballybane buses

never again come along at once.

DDD

KEVIN HIGGINS

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Pantoum for Limerick National City of Culture 2014

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I will be taking stock of resourcing requirements

in the light of everyone else having resigned.

I am determined to hit the reset button.

I am moving on in a calm and deliberative way.

sdsdsd 

In the light of everyone else having resigned,

I’m absolutely satisfied we have the capacity.

I am moving on in a calm and deliberative way.

I would like to thank those who ran screaming from the building.

 sdsdsd 

I’m absolutely satisfied we have the capacity.

It’s been a challenging start but we need to draw a line under this.

I would like to thank those who ran screaming from the building.

I may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

 sdsdsd 

It’s been a challenging start but we need to draw a line under this.

I am humbled by what I’ve heard here tonight.

I may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

This is a lot more complicated than what actually happened.

 sdsdsd 

I am humbled by what I’ve heard here tonight.

I am determined to hit the reset button.

This is a lot more complicated than what actually happened.

I will be taking stock of resourcing requirements.

sdsdsd 

Kevin Higgins

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Man Whose Middle Name Is Against

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Man Whose Middle Name Is Against

 sdsdd

When his conviction for cruelty

to two canaries

got quashed on a technicality,

he found Jesus in a cheap B&B

outside Tuam and married

a girl with an excellent set

of teeth.

  sdsdd

On bath night, as the scrubbing brush

worked its magic into every

crevice, she told him he smelt

like a Summer breeze without

the hint of cow shit.

   sdsdd

The morning of his forty fourth

birthday, she got lockjaw

at the most sensitive point in proceedings.

After which, he sold Rosary beads

door to door in the more swish parts

of Mountbellew.

   sdsdd

On bucketing afternoons he grew preoccupied

with writing letters against sodomy.

So taken with life, he wished to inflict it

on every sperm that ever died on a tissue

or made its way to a necessary end in a white

treatment room outside Liverpool.

   sdsdd

His face tragic as Ted Hughes

opening his latest gas bill,

he plods Main Street with a huge

colour photograph of a mutilated

baby, which to glancing motorists looks

like an advertisement

for a full Irish breakfast.

   sdsdd

 

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Alternative History: Constance Markievicz Gets A Sex Change

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Alternative History: Constance Markievicz Gets A Sex Change  

for Rhona McCord

 “97 years ago people lost their lives in that park over there.

  Constant Markievicz gave up his life to enable enable us

  to eradicate suppression, taxation, addiction, criminality…”

Tom D’Arcy of Direct Democracy Ireland

 gggg

Truth is, Joe, I have it on good authority

that fella Constant Markievicz, was shot

by the British in the park across the road.

Secretly buried on the moon by people

with names that, to me, sound

homosexual. While I have you, that man

on the ventilator in Johannesburg

isn’t Nelson Mandela but an imposter

installed by the same shower who want

to bring euthanasia to Ireland.

ggggg

 We’ve reached the stage, Joe, in this country,

which fellas like Constant Markievicz fought

and died over, if a man has the audacity

to tell the people what’s really going on,

or even what’s not, Special Branch

take daily cum-shots of his Facebook page

and file them away for later use.

Get the Minister on here, Joe.

And when he denies it, you’ll know

the truth I speak.

KEVIN HIGGINS

Context.

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Ode To The Minister For State Security

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Ode To The Minister For State Security – Kevin Higgins

He likes being photographed

with men in uniform

who all work for him. The law

is what he thinks appropriate

any particular day.

 

He’s the Traffic Cops. He’s the Army.

He’s everything the Special Branch

choose to tell him about

his enemies. In his brief case: things

about you even God’s forgotten.

 

He sees your smiley face

but heard tell of your

sweating backside

via a joke told him

on the fringes of a classified

national security briefing.

 

He’s the glorious portrait

of himself that, for now, hangs

above the Commissioner’s

thick brown desk.

 

He doesn’t suffer fools except

the journalist who writes the headline:

Minister Mustn’t Resign,

who in mitigation – it must be said -

was far too hammered to make bad

the promises and threats

he threw the Polish barmaid’s way,

as last night she assisted to the exit

his absolute confidence in the Minister.

 

Things remain whatever he prefers to call them,

given every legally held

Uzi submachine gun

in the state is technically

answerable to him.

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Alternative Proposals

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Alternative Proposals

the Fine Gael health minister proposes a panel of two obstetricians

and four psychiatrists – one of whom must be a perinatal psychiatrist –

to assess a woman who is seeking an abortion on the grounds of suicide

ideation…there are only three perinatal psychiatrists in the country

The Sunday Times, April 21st, 2013

 

Any woman of child bearing hips,

unfortunate enough to find herself

alive on the patch of weeds between Muff

and Kilmuckridge, or Skibbereen

and Hackballs Cross, must,

to have her baby/babies

legally abhorted, obtain, before she kills her

self, without bribery or offer of

sexual favours, the signatures

of six former members

of the Irish National Liberation Army;

six personal friends of Shane Ross;

six random guys shouting

obscenities in the street;

six women from Barna

who thought Michael D’s speech

last week to the European Parliament

was absolutely marvellous;

six Sean Nós dancers in residence

at accredited universities,

six plumbers who’ll definitely be there

first thing Tuesday morning,

six Dutch guys from Doolin

who make their own clogs, or

six ex-members of the pop group

Six.

 

KEVIN HIGGINS

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Son of Capitalism

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Son of Capitalism I am. My first name: Crisis. I’ve made of every taxi driver, every hairstylist an economist; they know now not to buy Italian, sovereign debt. Fifty five months ago this morning, the…

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Considering The Issues

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Considering The Issues If you got (but never opened) an envelope from a convicted smuggler, which turned out to contain five thousand Euro you knew nothing about. If you know what you think it’s okay…

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