Posts By Kevin Higgins

joan

A Brief History of Those Who Made Their Point Politely And Then Went Home

, , No Comment

this poem is rededicated to the protesters in Jobstown, Sligo and elsewhere

On this day of tear-gas in Seoul
and windows broken at Dickins & Jones,
I can’t help wondering why a history
of those, who made their point politely
and then went home, has never been written.

Those who, in the heat of the moment,
never dislodged a policeman’s helmet,
never blocked the traffic or held the country to ransom.
Someone should ask them: “Was it all worth it?”

All those proud men and women, who never
had the National Guard sent in against them;
who left everything exactly as they found it,
without adding as much as a scratch to the paintwork;
who no-one bothered asking: “Are you or have you ever been?”,
because we all knew damn well they never ever were.

KEVIN HIGGINS

Read Post →

1T

Irish Air: Message from the CEO

, , No Comment

Irish Air: Message from the CEO

with thanks to Padraig McCormack for the inspiration

Every day under the sky

in this teeny weeny country

they think belongs to them,

people kick football, jog

up and down promenades;

run red faced for buses

on wet mornings; days off they climb

hyperventilating briefly

up shaky looking ladders;

they drive miles through countryside

to attend funerals of people

they never met, and roll

car windows down. They give

others who’ve collapsed gasping

in the street

amateur mouth to mouth.

When everyone else is out,

they make obscene phone calls,

pant down lines at women

they think live alone.

Come the six o’clock bell,

those not trapped in traffic

or enrolled in evening classes,

slob on a bewildering variety of sofas,

play until bedtime with remotes.

All the time taking for granted

the luxury: breath

which, given the cost, we can no longer offer

free. Much as we all enjoy

breathing, our current funding model

is no longer sustainable.

Every country in the OECD,

excepting Ireland, levies

a small charge for breath.

Air is important.

We must stop disrespecting it

by failing to give it a price.

As of October, Irish Air

will begin attaching meters

to the side of each adult’s skull.

No eighteenth birthday party

will be complete without a visit from us.

It will be an offence,

punishable by a law made up yesterday,

to tamper with, or remove,

your personal meter.

There are no exemptions

for the disabled, the elderly, or the insane.

Air will still be available free

to children and the deceased.

When you smother your spouse,

inform us here at Irish Air,

and we’ll reduce your bill

by the appropriate amount.

The cranium of every tourist

will be fitted with a temporary meter,

to be removed only on their exit

from the country. Those whose bills

remain unredeemed will not be allowed

leave. Diplomats are exempted.

Resisters will have their air flow

reduced to the occasional puff,

every half hour or so.

If you have reason to believe

your personal air flow

has been erroneously reduced,

call our office

and speak to one of our staff.

It is an offence

to tamper with, remove, or shove

your personal meter

anywhere obscene.

Our arses are important to us

and we will not tolerate them

being interfered with

by citizens  of this teeny weeny country

you think belongs to you.

 

Read Post →

localel_thumb

The Little Elections

, , Comment Closed

after The League of Gentlemen

 

Unlike all other candidates,

 I’m very much in favour of dog shit;

have it with everything;

am especially fond of the sort produced by

frightened Rottweilers.

I have the energy, enthusiasm and necessary

sexual appetite to properly

service the people behind doors

I’m knocking on locally.

I’m for more traffic jams

and overweight policemen called

Frank.

I won’t be diverted into talking

about abortion or world war four.

This is a little election for little people.

I’m against nasal congestion

and political reform; have lived locally

for the past half hour.

DDD

Our eight year old, Cian,

will support whatever football team

you want him to. I’m against

adverse weather conditions in Salthill;

okay, in theory, with the continued

existence of black people.

I’ve studied transport systems

at Mauthausen, Belzec, Vorkuta; think I know

how to ensure two Ballybane buses

never again come along at once.

DDD

KEVIN HIGGINS

Read Post →

PC_CP_thumb

Pantoum for Limerick National City of Culture 2014

, , Comment Closed

I will be taking stock of resourcing requirements

in the light of everyone else having resigned.

I am determined to hit the reset button.

I am moving on in a calm and deliberative way.

sdsdsd 

In the light of everyone else having resigned,

I’m absolutely satisfied we have the capacity.

I am moving on in a calm and deliberative way.

I would like to thank those who ran screaming from the building.

 sdsdsd 

I’m absolutely satisfied we have the capacity.

It’s been a challenging start but we need to draw a line under this.

I would like to thank those who ran screaming from the building.

I may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

 sdsdsd 

It’s been a challenging start but we need to draw a line under this.

I am humbled by what I’ve heard here tonight.

I may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

This is a lot more complicated than what actually happened.

 sdsdsd 

I am humbled by what I’ve heard here tonight.

I am determined to hit the reset button.

This is a lot more complicated than what actually happened.

I will be taking stock of resourcing requirements.

sdsdsd 

Kevin Higgins

Read Post →

1_ilr_aJul2

Man Whose Middle Name Is Against

, , Comment Closed

Man Whose Middle Name Is Against

 sdsdd

When his conviction for cruelty

to two canaries

got quashed on a technicality,

he found Jesus in a cheap B&B

outside Tuam and married

a girl with an excellent set

of teeth.

  sdsdd

On bath night, as the scrubbing brush

worked its magic into every

crevice, she told him he smelt

like a Summer breeze without

the hint of cow shit.

   sdsdd

The morning of his forty fourth

birthday, she got lockjaw

at the most sensitive point in proceedings.

After which, he sold Rosary beads

door to door in the more swish parts

of Mountbellew.

   sdsdd

On bucketing afternoons he grew preoccupied

with writing letters against sodomy.

So taken with life, he wished to inflict it

on every sperm that ever died on a tissue

or made its way to a necessary end in a white

treatment room outside Liverpool.

   sdsdd

His face tragic as Ted Hughes

opening his latest gas bill,

he plods Main Street with a huge

colour photograph of a mutilated

baby, which to glancing motorists looks

like an advertisement

for a full Irish breakfast.

   sdsdd

 

Read Post →

DirectD_tda

Alternative History: Constance Markievicz Gets A Sex Change

, , 3 Comments

Alternative History: Constance Markievicz Gets A Sex Change  

for Rhona McCord

 “97 years ago people lost their lives in that park over there.

  Constant Markievicz gave up his life to enable enable us

  to eradicate suppression, taxation, addiction, criminality…”

Tom D’Arcy of Direct Democracy Ireland

 gggg

Truth is, Joe, I have it on good authority

that fella Constant Markievicz, was shot

by the British in the park across the road.

Secretly buried on the moon by people

with names that, to me, sound

homosexual. While I have you, that man

on the ventilator in Johannesburg

isn’t Nelson Mandela but an imposter

installed by the same shower who want

to bring euthanasia to Ireland.

ggggg

 We’ve reached the stage, Joe, in this country,

which fellas like Constant Markievicz fought

and died over, if a man has the audacity

to tell the people what’s really going on,

or even what’s not, Special Branch

take daily cum-shots of his Facebook page

and file them away for later use.

Get the Minister on here, Joe.

And when he denies it, you’ll know

the truth I speak.

KEVIN HIGGINS

Context.

Read Post →

1_

Ode To The Minister For State Security

, , 4 Comments

Ode To The Minister For State Security – Kevin Higgins

He likes being photographed

with men in uniform

who all work for him. The law

is what he thinks appropriate

any particular day.

 

He’s the Traffic Cops. He’s the Army.

He’s everything the Special Branch

choose to tell him about

his enemies. In his brief case: things

about you even God’s forgotten.

 

He sees your smiley face

but heard tell of your

sweating backside

via a joke told him

on the fringes of a classified

national security briefing.

 

He’s the glorious portrait

of himself that, for now, hangs

above the Commissioner’s

thick brown desk.

 

He doesn’t suffer fools except

the journalist who writes the headline:

Minister Mustn’t Resign,

who in mitigation – it must be said -

was far too hammered to make bad

the promises and threats

he threw the Polish barmaid’s way,

as last night she assisted to the exit

his absolute confidence in the Minister.

 

Things remain whatever he prefers to call them,

given every legally held

Uzi submachine gun

in the state is technically

answerable to him.

Read Post →

Rotun_6

Alternative Proposals

, , Comment Closed

Alternative Proposals

the Fine Gael health minister proposes a panel of two obstetricians

and four psychiatrists – one of whom must be a perinatal psychiatrist –

to assess a woman who is seeking an abortion on the grounds of suicide

ideation…there are only three perinatal psychiatrists in the country

The Sunday Times, April 21st, 2013

 

Any woman of child bearing hips,

unfortunate enough to find herself

alive on the patch of weeds between Muff

and Kilmuckridge, or Skibbereen

and Hackballs Cross, must,

to have her baby/babies

legally abhorted, obtain, before she kills her

self, without bribery or offer of

sexual favours, the signatures

of six former members

of the Irish National Liberation Army;

six personal friends of Shane Ross;

six random guys shouting

obscenities in the street;

six women from Barna

who thought Michael D’s speech

last week to the European Parliament

was absolutely marvellous;

six Sean Nós dancers in residence

at accredited universities,

six plumbers who’ll definitely be there

first thing Tuesday morning,

six Dutch guys from Doolin

who make their own clogs, or

six ex-members of the pop group

Six.

 

KEVIN HIGGINS

Read Post →

Son of Capitalism

, , Comment Closed

Son of Capitalism I am. My first name: Crisis. I’ve made of every taxi driver, every hairstylist an economist; they know now not to buy Italian, sovereign debt. Fifty five months ago this morning, the…

Read Post →

Considering The Issues

, , Comment Closed

Considering The Issues If you got (but never opened) an envelope from a convicted smuggler, which turned out to contain five thousand Euro you knew nothing about. If you know what you think it’s okay…

Read Post →